Response to a Tired Black Woman


April 15th I was invited by a classmate of mine and fellow blogger @Bj_Martin to read a blog entitled: Dairy Diary of a Mad Black Woman,  in which one of the followers of the Royal Entity Blog wrote a letter directed to the weary and broken-hearted lovers struggling in their interaction with the opposite sex. This is my response to the letter- so reading the original post in strongly recommended.

 I hope you all enjoy and take note of the many valid points.

My Dearest Tired Black Woman,

I am a woman just like you. Beautiful, knowledgeable, caring, and most of all worthy to be loved. Many women like us in the world are facing the same circumstance of being tired and fed up of settling for less when we know that ultimately we deserve much better. However, what we need to do is stop settling for less and raise our standards above what we are willing to receive. Only then will we be able to enjoy having what we ask for from male companionship with the extra perks.
I was truly impressed by your letter and how you carefully outlined several points that often cause issues between two involved individuals, and even though I strongly agree with many of them I found some  to still be very problematic.  So after careful analysis, I have written a response to your letter, in hope to change your perspective and that of the hopeless couples out there.

#1. The Reliance of a Relationship
This particular point was mentioned as #3 in your letter but I found this one to be the most pertinent of them all. A relationship is a connection between two individuals that can result in a physical or mental change. With those changes, comes complications and sacrifices. This is why when getting to know someone time and chemistry are two of the biggest factors. You have to know what you are getting into when you agree to be with someone and cannot expect that person to change who they are, what they believe, and how they treat others to be with you. SET YOUR STANDARDS FIRST. If you prefer the submissive type, don’t expect that a dominant alpha male is the guy for you. No matter how much the two of you have in common,  sooner or later a problem will arise with his dynamic personality. This is why there is an acute stage in a relationship where the tendencies, mannerisms, actions, and ethics of your potential love candidate is revealed. When someone shows you who they truly are, don’t make an excuse for their overt behavior BELIEVE THEM and choose whether he/ she is right for you.

#2. You Must Not Know Bout Me. . .
The first point mentioned has been appropriately moved to the number two slot, which is the next step to promoting a healthy relationship: maintaining your partner’s interest. Once the relationship is initiated it is often true that males can become weary of the mundane aspects of the connection which include: communication, sex, and romanticism. A female keeping a male satisfied, while still holding herself to the highest standards, can often be challenging. These days it seems as though every woman wants a Superman, and every male wants a Sex-Goddess. Women don’t have to be whores and males don’t have to be a romantic stalkers to please their partners. There is a way to achieve satisfaction when the desires and requirements of what the other wants in a relationship is made known in that acute phase. Nevertheless, once a Male or Female in a relationship feels like their desires aren’t being met they will ultimately look elsewhere and infidelity comes into play. Yes, cheating is very real, and it can happen to you- but not always rightfully so. Just don’t expect to ignore your partner’s feelings and your actions will go unnoticed. Ultimately you’ll be facing the pavement with your possessions packed and ready while Bey’s new squeeze drives up to replace you Papa Bear.

#3. A Compromised Contract
No one willingly signs up to get cheated on in a relationship. Everyone expects that once the relationship is agreed on that both individuals are going to be open about their intentions and the other people they are involved with. Obviously, that open line of willingness and communication isn’t always present no matter how long two people are together. Partners are scared to share what they want in a relationship or openly tell their significant other that they want to be sexually or intimately involved with other people. This is a problem that usually begins in step #1, when the start of the connection is based on lies. Honesty is such an important factor in a relationship that if you choose to be dishonest even once the trust factor could diminish completely. Don’t expect to keep secrets thinking that your counterpart doesn’t have a couple of their own. . .

#4. Relationship Orientation
Both the status of and the sex in a relationship can directly affect one another, which brings me to combine both points 4 & 5 into one main conclusion: Confusion of the sexual relationship can confuse the status and confusion of the status can confuse the sexual relationship. If you are friends with benefits, the involvement is obviously going to be limited to just that and nothing more.  Friends with benefits are NOT an exclusive couple and often don’t limit themselves to just one sex partner. Therefore just because you and your sex partner is having sex does not equal that you are the only person he is intimately involved with. The same is true for jump-offs, rebounds, groupies, and whores of both genders, please don’t misinterpret your role.  The title defines everything and this point is applied to whether or not you and your lover have decided on what you all are together: Exclusive Relationship, Open relationship, Complicated, the list goes on. Once that is finalized it is not permissible to go out and sleep with whoever you choose, especially if  you are Married or restricted to dating someone. Recognize what both of you want in a relationship and title it according to that instead of allowing your sexual drive together to be the motive to why you all are involved.

Tired Black Woman it is time to awaken these dreamers and educate them on the basis of who they truly are and how much they deserve to be in a healthy relationship IF and WHEN they are ready for the commitment that a relationship involves.

Signed sincerely,

A Beautiful Black Queen

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One thought on “Response to a Tired Black Woman

  1. Ahhhhhh Lee!

    I read both the Diary and your Response; I must say I was impressed by both!

    Relationships, whether intimate or platonic, can be a whole ah MESS! *smh* Too often people enter into friendships that they want to end up in an intimate relationship only to get hurt because that was THEIR intentions but not on the mind of their potential “significant other.”

    Both yourself and Tired Black Woman are valid in your points that we as a people need to be reeducated on social interactions, especially the sexual ones. Many of us, men and women, get misled; most of us get misled as that is the intention of the person doing the misleading while some of us just get blinded by the “hype” of it all and fail to see the signs.

    We can talk for hours on end about relationships, the good and the bad. What is to be expected and not. What’s right and wrong, according to who. When it is okay to talk about certain things and not. All in all you hit it perfectly with the mention of honesty. Whether the initial relationship starts off with honesty should let the person know if this is a relationship worth working for or if one should just keep that person at arms length and be cordial!

    GREAT RESPONSE POST MI LADY. Keep me updated when you post a new entry. I’ll be sure to check it out and offer feedback…

    xoxo,
    Terri!

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